It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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