I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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