why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
