Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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