his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
