i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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