Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
