Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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