people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
