I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
