there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
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