I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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