DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
