i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
