You can't special order awesome
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
