so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
