oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
