This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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