I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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