Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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