Pappa wants mamma naked
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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