cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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