My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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