No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
