; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
