it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
