I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
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