my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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