he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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