Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
