we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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