His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
