I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.