so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
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First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.