I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober