I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!