i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...