clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face