Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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