captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Randomize
