Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
