I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
