I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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