how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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