i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
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She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
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I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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