fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
