Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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