Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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