i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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