Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
