he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I have tasted many bathrooms
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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