Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
