Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I will die if light touches me.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
