Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
