Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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