i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Randomize
