just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
