new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
