I'm eating all of the evidence.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
