Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
