you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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