I think i sorta joined a cult last night
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
