Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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