Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
