Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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