what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
