oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I can't put those talents on a resume
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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