why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
