sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
