So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
